When the Romans saw something they wanted, they just whipped out their spears and made it their own. It is the ease with which the Romans could simply lift a leg and march on a city that ranked the Romans as number one amongst their peers.
Asparagus was once free and wild as the breeze it swung in, but when the Romans got a taste for this wee wild grass, they captured and cultivated it for their pleasure. As Roman soldiers continued to assertively mark their territory throughout the known world, so did asparagus following in the soldiers’ tracks.
However, long after the last Roman legions trickled out, asparagus continued to flow steadily throughout the Middle East, modern Europe and eventually made its course across the ocean to the Americas.
Today we can commemorate another asparagus season with this recipe for toast soldiers, asparagus spears and soft-boiled eggs.
INGREDIENTS
Asparagus spears
12 asparagus spears
juice and zest of one lemon
drizzle of olive oil
salt and pepper to taste
Soft-boiled eggs
4 eggs
salt and pepper
Toast soldiers
2 pieces of bread
butter
PROCEDURE
To cook the asparagus
Preheat the oven to 425˚F.
Hold an asparagus by each end in your fingertips. Bend the asparagus, applying slightly more pressure to the fat end until the asparagus snaps. Wherever it snaps is the perfect spot. You can chuck the fat ends and toss all the spears in a single layer in an ovenproof dish. Dirzzle on some olive oil, the zest and juice of one lemon and season with salt and pepper. Toss them with your hands to coat and get them in the oven for 20 minutes. Flip them half way through the cooking.
To soft boil eggs
Get all four eggs in a small pot and submerge by ½-inch in cold water. Get the pot on the stove over high heat. When the little bubbles begin to break the surface 6 at a time, turn on your timer to exactly 4.5 minutes. If the water starts to boil really vigorously, you can turn it down a bit so the eggs don’t get too rattled.
When 4.5 minutes is up, drain the eggs immediately and use a sharp knife to crack them open. Start with a little tap to break the shell, then a quick hard cut to go all the way through. Season the runny yolk generously with salt and pepper.
To make the toast soldiers
Place the bread in a toaster and hit the magic toast button. Pretty soon the toaster will spit out some toast. Apply butter to the toast, then cut it into 4 long strips, or toast soldiers.
Serve eggs in an egg cup along with 3 toast soldiers and 6 asparagus spears.
Four number ones
Modern scientists do not have any conclusive evidence regarding the effects of asparagus on urine. No one has quite been able to narrow down the compound responsible for causing malodorous urine after consuming asparagus. It could be dimethyl sulfide or S-methylthioacrylate… personally I think it’s the methanethiol.
The greater mystery is how and why it affects people in different ways. Only some people produce the sulfurous smelling urine after consuming asparagus but, to complicate things, not every one who produces the odour is able to smell it.
Resulting in 4 categories
Those who produce the odour but cannot smell it
Those who do not produce the odour and cannot smell it
Those who produce the odour and can smell it
Those who do not produce the odour but can smell it in other peoples’ urine
More research is clearly needed on this subject …
In an attempt to persuade the deviled egg to choose between it’s inherent devilish nature or become a good egg we have two sides to the argument. To present both sides of the argument Conversations with a Cupcake and Kitchen Scraps have agreed to disagree on the subject of good versus evil in order to lure the Deviled egg to see their point of view. The inherently angelic Brooke from Conversations with a Cupcake will attempt to persuade the egg that it is a good egg. While the irreverently devilish Pierre from Kitchen Scraps will use every rotten-egg trick in the book to get the egg to join the dark side. In the end it will be the reader who decides wether or not the Deviled Egg is good or evil.
The Devil’s Advocate
This is not even a debate, you’re a devilled egg!
Unless you are planning on getting an egg-corcism, you are going to remain a rotten little egg until the day you get fried. So, forget about what’s fair or fowl, eggsercise your rights to be your own egg.
I imagine you’re a little scrambled at the moment, but let’s face it, you’re a bad egg so just try to egg-roll with it or you’ll end up going soft. Toughen up that shell.
You may not be an egg-head, but you’re smart enough to know you’re on an egg-celerated spiral down if you join those other whitey yolkels in their cardboard coffins. You might as well be humpty-dumpty, cause you’ll never be able to put yourself back together again…
It’s not that I’m trying to egg you on, but for the record, the chicken came first… what do you expect, you got no feet? Life can be such a cruel yolk. Speaking of bad yolks… when was the last time you even got laid? Maybe it’s time to meet some older chicks and forget about being such a good egg.
See what Brooke over at Conversations with a Cupcake has to say about being a good egg… and have your say at the reader poll over there.
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Plus a very big special thanks from Kitchen Scraps to Conversation with a Cupcake for coming up with this great idea and initiating such a fun, cool collaboration. And now without further ado, here is the recipe courtesy of Conversations with a Cupcake….
CRIMSON SMOKED DEVILED EGGS
Inspired by kokkina avga–the ruby hued eggs exchanged during the Greek Pasha (Easter) celebration–these red-deviled eggs recieve ample amounts of color and flavor from beets, smoked paprika, and a hit of cayenne pepper. Don’t be alarmed by the untraditional mixture of ingredients. You’ll find the taste is both gloriously good and devilishly delicious.
INGREDIENTS
12 eggs
8 1/2 oz. can sliced beets, drained and pureed
1/2 t. cayenne pepper
1 t. smoked paprika
1/2 t. salt
2 T. sour cream
1 T. mayonnaise
1 t. onion powder
1/2 t. red icing paste
2 T. microplaned smoked parmesan or romano
2 T. sliced fresh chives
PROCEDURE
To boil eggs (without that devilish grey ring around the yolk): Fill a large pot with enough water to fully cover eggs. Cover with a lid. Bring to a boil and cook 10 minutes. Remove from heat and allow to sit an additional 5 minutes. Drain water from pot, then cover eggs quickly with ice. Allow to sit five minutes more. Carefully crack eggs, remove peels, cut in half and place cooked yolks in a medium bowl.
To yolks, add beets, red pepper, paprika, salt, sour cream, mayonnaise, onion powder and icing coloring. Mash with a fork until well mixed and smooth. Spoon or pipe mixture into center ofegg whites. Garnish with a sprinkling of cheese and chives.
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Big huge thanks to Conversations with a Cupcake for coming up with the recipe and the idea to collaborate on such a fun project.
Filed under: fork
Millions of years ago the Megalicious Lasagnasaurus roamed the earth eating cytoplasmic sludge, fungal goo and thick and chunky rag-ooze. Recently, paleontologists dug down through the layers of the earth’s crust to discover the remains of an intact frozen M. Lasagnasaurus. After carefully thawing and reheating the prehistoric beast they discovered that it was the ancient ancestor of the Lasagna Moderna. So they ate it. But, using leftover DNA samples they have been able to re-create the humongous prehistoric herbivore. Here is how you can recreate your own M. Lasagnasaurus using some special scientific equipment at home.
Before you get started, here is some helpful equipment to have:
• KitchenAid Stand-up mixer: for making large batches of dough.
• KitchenAid Pasta rolling attachment: for rolling out massive amounts of super thin dough
OR a classic hand crank pasta roller will do the trick, but will take a very, very long time.
• KitchenAid Food processor: for pulverizing the cytoplasmic sludge and the fugal goo
• A large pot: for slow cooking the tomato sauce
• A huge spring form pan (17” x 7” x 3.5”deep): or any other very large and deep baking dish. The spring form is cool because you can pop it out the lasagna and see the layers and people will oooh and aaaah.
KitchenAid technology in the field of pasta-regeneration have made it possible to clone a modern day M. Lasagnasaurus. Although it is possible to re-create the M. Lasagnasaurus without the use modern technology it is much more difficult and time consuming.
INGREDIENTS
Thick and chunky ragooze
4 carrots, diced
2 onions, diced
4 ribs of celery, diced
vegetable oil as needed
2 cloves garlic
1 – 100 oz. can crushed tomatoes (not a typo… 100 oz.)
2 Tbsp dried oregano
Sautee carrots and onions with vegetable oil in a very large pot over medium heat until the become caramelised. Add the celery, cooking until translucent. Add garlic, oregano and tomato sauce. Reduce heat to medium low and cook for 2-3 hours, stirring occassionally until sauce is thick and bubbly like molten lava. Whatever you don’t use in the lasagna will taste delicious on simple pasta with parmessan and fresh parsley.
Cytoplasmic sludge
2 large bags of spinach
400g ricotta cheese
juice and zest of 1 lemon
3 Tbsp vegetable oil
2 cloves garlic
Salt and pepper
In a large pot over medium high heat add the oil and garlic. When garlic begins to sizzle add the spinach and place lid on. Cook, stirring occasionally until spinach is wilted. Remove lid to cook away excess liquid. You can either combine the remaining ingredients in a bowl with a spoon or place all ingredients in a food processor and blend until smooth to create a cytoplasmic sludge. Either way, don’t forget to season with salt and pepper.
Fungal goo
30 button mushrooms, quartered
4 Tbsp vegetable oil
salt and pepper
½ cup red wine
2 Tbsp balsamic vinegar
Brown quartered mushrooms in single layer batches over medium heat. Don’t move mushrooms much in the pan so they have time to brown. Set aside mushrooms in a large bowl as they are browned. When mushrooms are done, deglaze the pan with red wine and add the mushrooms back, cook for 5 minutes on high. Add balsamic, salt and pepper. Can be used as is or cooled and pureed in a food processor to create a smooth fungal goo.
Sial segments - pasta recipe adapted from the KitchenAid Manual
4 large eggs
2 Tbsp water
1 Tbsp oil
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup semolina flour
1/2 tsp salt
Put all the ingredients into the mixer bowl and using the paddle attachment mix on number 2 for 45 seconds. Switch the paddle for the dough hook and continue kneading on 2 for 3 minutes. Remove the dough and knead on the counter for 2 minutes. It should be fairly smooth and slightly elastic. Use it right away or keep wrapped tightly in plastic in the fridge for up to a couple days. When using it from the fridge allow it to come to room temperature for 20 minutes before rolling it out.
Other ingredients for assembly
2 Tbsp oil
1/2 cup all-purpose flour, for dusting the sheets
10 large bocincini or 3 cups shredded mozzarella
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
ASSEMBLY
Preheat the oven to 425˚ F.
Attach the pasta sheet roller onto your Kitchen Aid Standup mixer. Divide the dough into 6 pieces. Keep dough under damp cloth until ready to roll. Have your flour handy for dusting the pasta.
Set the roller to thickest setting and turn on the machine to speed 2. Flatten out one ball of dough with your hand. Generously flour the pasta and then feed it through the machine. If it cracks or looks uneven, it’s fine, it usually takes a few runs to get it smooth. Just fold it in half and run it through again on the thickest setting. When the dough is smooth, fold it into thirds and run it through the machine so you end up with something roughly rectangular. Now adjust the roller settings to two increments higher (thinner) and run the dough again, making sure there is plenty of flour to keep it from sticking. Continue running the dough through, setting the roller to a higher (thinner) setting until you run it through on the thinest setting. Do one sheet at a time as you go along. If you do them all at once and leave them out while you assemble they will get dried out.
Now time to build the lasagna. Generously lubricate the baking dish (17” x 7” x 3.5”deep) with 2 Tbsp of oil. Start with a base layer of tomatey Rag-ooze on the bottom and lay down some thin pasta sheets.
The layering does not have to be perfect to be delicious. Don’t worry about holes or perfectly rectangular pasta sheets, just drape them over the edge of the pan and rest assured it will all taste delicious. you can even just use scrap pieces to patch in holes and gaps.
Now put a thin layer of fungal goo. Then a layer of pasta. Then a thin layer of cytoplasmic sludge. Then more pasta.
Keep going… Rag-ooze, pasta, goo, pasta, sludge, pasta, etc. until you just about reach the top (leave 3/4 inch). Cover the top with tomato rag-ooze, torn bocincini balls or shredded mozarella and finally the Parmesan cheese.
Blap the whole thing in the oven and bake at 425˚ F for 20 minutes, then reduce heat to 325˚F for 1 hour and finally you can finish it under the broiler if it needs a little more brown on top. Let the whole mess rest for at least 20 minutes out of the oven, then divide the deep layered monster amongst your hungry pack of dinosaurs.
Feeds a crowd of 12-16 hungry-hungry herbivores.
Sorry bout the photo, forgot the camera at home when we went away for the weekend, had to snap this with the phone… but hey, it sure was tasty and satisfied a pretty hungry crowd!
Filed under: Uncategorized
Once upon a time there lived four mole brothers named Marcello, Malcolm, Malvolio and Maury. On the first morning of Spring they were all suddenly awoken by a magnificent medley of Springtime smells wafting down to their mole hole. They all dashed to the front hole to see if they could identify the smell, but when they got to the door three of the brothers all got jammed in the entrance with their noses sticking out and the last brother was stuck behind them with no chance of getting through.
Although they were stuck, the three brothers swooned over the amazing Spring smells wafting through their sleepy winter noses.
Marcello sighed at the nectarous bouquet of flowers, Malcolm trilled at the sweet perfume of honey and Malvolio was ecstatic over the syrupy scent of fresh pancakes!
But Maury, who was stuck behind all of them, grumbled that all he could smell was mole-asses.
Here is a recipe for all of you who are patiently waiting just a little longer for Spring to arrive.
INGREDIENTS
Batter
½ cup flour + 1 Tbsp
½ cup milk
1 egg
pinch of salt
Molasses Apples
3 Tbsp unsalted butter
1 apple, peeled, cored and diced
2 Tbsp molasses
garnish
powdered sugar
PROCEDURE
This is one of those recipes that you’ll need to follow the rules carefully.
Get all your batter ingredients into a bowl and mix with a whisk to incorporate for 2 minutes. You should end up with plenty of tiny lumps in the batter. Lumpy batter works best, don’t strain out the lumps. Let the batter rest for 30-60 minutes at room temperature. Resting is important!
Set up a rack in the middle of your oven then preheat the oven to 450˚ F. Use a 9” inch all-metal pan (frying pan or pie plates work great). When the oven is up to 450˚ F blap the pan in the oven to preheat for at least 15 minutes. Meanwhile mix the diced apple with the molasses, then just plop the cold butter on top in the bowl.
Remove the hot pan and quickly toss in the apples, butter and molasses. Shake the pan to evenly distribute and blap the whole thing back in the oven for exactly 4 minutes.
After 4 minutes remove the pan and pour in the batter in a circular pattern starting around the edges and working into the middle. Quickly toss it back in the oven. Close the oven door and keep it closed for 16-18 minutes. If you open the door the pancake will deflate. It will start to rise around the 10 minute mark, but don’t open the door to check it. Turn the oven light on and look through the glass to watch it rise.
Check the pancake after 16 minutes. The edges will be puffed up and it may appear to be burnt, but that is just the dark molasses.
Remove the pan and serve it immediately with powdered sugar or ice cream on top.
Serves two. To serve more make it again, don’t double the recipe.
Filed under: fork
There once was a boxing champ
Whose attire was outdatedly damp
His shorts were once chic
But now they’re antique
So they needed a little revamp
Classic Irish Champ is one of the most timeless Irish dishes. Spring or green onions are mixed into creamy mashed potatoes and served piping hot with a knob of butter that melts in the middle to create a golden well of buttery goodness.
The trick is to eat with a fork starting on the outside and dipping each bite of potato into the golden well of melted butter.
Champ may be timeless but even the classics need an update once in a while. So try these revamped champs with a side of sausage and mustard with a tall beer this Patty’s Day. You gotta stick and move, work around the outside of the ring and get ready for that knock-out buttery finish.
CLASSIC CHAMP
INGREDIENTS
2 large russet potatoes
1 cup milk
½ cup heavy cream
2 Tsp table salt (or more to taste)
4 pats of butter (2 Tbsp each)
3 Green or 1 Spring Onion, thinly sliced
PROCEDURE
Peel and cut your potatoes into 8. Place all the potatoes in a large pot full of cold water. Get the pot over high heat and bring to a boil. Cook until the potatoes are tender and just beginning to fray at the edges. Drain the potatoes and let them blow off some steam in the colander for 10 minutes.
Back in the pot warm up the milk and salt on the residual heat from the stove, or just on low if you are using a gas burner.
Now dump the potatoes in the warm milk and mash until as smooth as you can manage without feeling like you went 5 rounds with the champ.
Here’s the trick to making the champ. Stir in the sliced green onions. Serve it on four plates and while it is still piping hot make a well in the middle of the mound of potatoes and plop in your pat of butter so it starts to melt.
Serves four
REVAMPED CHAMP VARIATIONS
Bacon, Leek and Kilkenny
4 slices of bacon, thinly sliced
2 large leeks, thinly sliced
a glug of vegetable oil
2 cups Kilkenny Irish cream ale
Make a round of Champ as directed above but omit the green onions.
Get a large frying pan on the stove over medium heat. Place thinly sliced bacon and thinly sliced leeks into the pan with a glug of oil and a pinch of salt. Don’t fiddle with them much, just let them develop some colour. When they start to brown really good after about 15 minutes you can go ahead and toss in the beer and let it all cook down until it is slightly syrupy.
Mix into the mashed potatoes or serve on top. Pile the potatoes on a plate and make a well for the butter.
Onion and Guinness
1 yellow onion, fine diced
a glug of vegetable oil
1 cup Guinness stout beer
knob of butter
splash of vinegar (malt or balsamic)
Make a round of Champ as directed above but omit the green onions.
Get a pan on medium heat. Sweat diced onions with a glug of oil and a pinch of salt until soft and translucent. Add the Guinness straight in with a little knob of butter and continue cooking over medium until most of the liquid evaporates and the onions look gorgeous and dark. Add a splash of malt or balsamic vinegar to brighten everything up a little.
Mix into the mashed potatoes or serve sprinkled on top. Pile the potatoes on a plate and make a well for the butter.
Ham and peas
½ white onion, diced
6 slices thick cut ham, diced
glug of oil
pinch of salt
¾ cup heavy cream
½ cup frozen peas
fresh cracked pepper
Make a round of Champ as directed above but omit the green onions.
Dice the ham and onion into peas-sized bits. Place them in a frying pan over medium low heat with a glug of oil and a pinch of salt. Cook until ham is heated through and the onions are translucent. Add cream and reduce for 5 minutes. Add peas and heat through for 5 more minutes. Mix into the mashed potatoes or serve on top. Pile the potatoes on a plate and make a well for the butter.
Mustard, cheese and celery
¼ cup grainy mustard
1 celery heart, finely sliced
1 cup grated white Irish cheddar (Kerrygold)
Make a round of Champ as directed above but omit the green onions.
As soon as the potatoes are mashed, toss in all of this stuff and mix it all in until it’s smooth. Pile it on a plate and make a well for the butter.
Curling offers up plenty of thrills and chills, but don’t expect many spills. If there is one thing curling fans hold onto harder than their lucky tams, it’s a cup of hot coffee. It’s not that the cold bothers them, it’s because curling fans just love coffee… and doughnuts.
Here is a rock-solid recipe for all those hot-blooded fans who love curling, coffee and doughnuts. Make your own Tim-Horton-doughnut-and-coffee-ice-cream-sandwich (aka; Cold Curling Rocks) to enjoy at the rink or anytime you just need to cross that hog line. These bad boys rock!
The 2009 Tim Hortons Brier Curling Championship is throwing down at the Saddledome from March 7-15. It’s impossible to know who will own the house, but you can bet you’ll spot a few Kenora dinner jackets, some painted screaming faces and plenty of coffee and doughnuts.
INGREDIENTS
A 1-pint container of vanilla icecream
1/3 cup cold Tim Hortons black coffee
6 honey glazed Tim Hortons doughnuts
PROCEDURE
Pop the ice cream into the micro for 30 seconds to soften it slightly.
In a big bowl use a fork to mix one scoop of ice cream with the coffee until they are smooth. Add half the remaining ice cream and stir it to incorporate. Add the rest of the ice cream and stir until the whole mess is pretty smooth, but a few little lumps is fine.
Pour the coffee ice cream back into the ice cream container. You’ll have a little extra that won’t fit in the container, feel free to slurp that back right away. Put the ice cream back in the freezer to firm up for at least 2 hours.
Place the half-dozen box of doughnuts in the freezer so they can firm up too.
When the doughnuts are frozen solid, use a serrated knife to cut them in half like a bagel. Go slowly as they are brittle, but it’s easier than squishing them when they are soft.
After the ice cream is firm, run warm water on the outside of the container until the whole thing can slide out easily. Lay it flat and slice the ice cream cylinder it into 6 disks. I like to make the first cut in the middle and cut each half into threes.
Place one icecream puck in each doughnut like a sandwich and place them all back in the box and into the freezer get rock solid.
If you are eating them directly from the freezer, they might benefit from a quick 10 seconds in the micro. If you are taking them to the rink keep them on ice and let them warm up and soften slightly before you chow down.
Goes great with hot coffee for dunking.
Makes 6 Cold Curling Rocks… enough to feed the Lead, Second, Vice, Skip, Coach and Coffee-Runner.
Filed under: Uncategorized
In 16th Century France it was en vogue to abuse your royal powers by living overly-luxurious lifestyles or fighting religious wars at the expense of the over-taxed and underfed peasants.
So when King Henri IV came into power in 1589, it was refreshing to have a forward-thinking King with religious tolerance and respect for the well-being of his subjects. Perhaps it was a romantic notion for the times, but amongst his many revolutionary policies he deemed it imperative that every working person should have a chicken in their pot on Sunday. His preferred method of preparing a chicken in a pot was the very literal Poule au Pot (chicken in a pot).
This simple, wholesome and frugal dish holds up to the current economic state and will help us all cope with the transition of power until the new guy in charge can bring about a refreshing change.
This classic dish is the original one pot wonder. Don’t be fooled by the simplicity, the result is an amazingly juicy poached chicken with wholesome vegetables and the option to customize your own garnishes.
Vive la recession!
INGREDIENTS
1 whole chicken
2 russet potatoes, peeled and cut into eight
2 large carrots, peeled and cut into 3’ lengths
2 ribs of celery, cut into 3’ lengths
1/2 onion, peeled
1 Litre chicken stock
water as needed
AROMATICS
1 bay leaf
2 cloves of garlic
10 peppercorns
1 clove
GARNISH
dijon mustard
pickled onions
gherkin pickles
seasalt (or Maldon salt)
HANDY TOOLS
a meat thermometer
cheese cloth
string
PROCEDURE
Place all ingredients in a large pot. Tie the aromatics up in a piece of cheese cloth to make a bouquet garni. Add water to submerge the chicken by 2 inches.
Place the pot over medium heat, it will take a while to heat up, but once the water begins to swirl. Use your thermometer to monitor and maintain a temperature of approximately 180˚F. Never let it get hot enough to simmer or the chicken will get tough. As soon as the water is up to temperature, it should take the chicken 35-40 minutes to cook through and reach an internal temperature of 145˚F. Test it by inserting the same thermometer in the thigh joint or poke it and if the juices run clear without pink it should be done.
Remove the chicken and allow it to rest out of the water for 5 minutes while you pluck out the potatoes, carrots and celery. Discard the onion and aromatic bouquet. Adjust the seasoning of the broth with salt. Remove the skin and divide the chicken as you desire. Present each person with a large shallow bowl containing two pieces of each veg, a nice chunk of chicken and a splash of the seasoned broth. Let each person add their own garnish. Set the table with four spoons, forks, knives and napkins.
After dinner, dice all the leftover tasty tidbits and toss them back into the broth for a delicious chicken soup.
