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Millions of years ago the Megalicious Lasagnasaurus roamed the earth eating cytoplasmic sludge, fungal goo and thick and chunky rag-ooze. Recently, paleontologists dug down through the layers of the earth’s crust to discover the remains of an intact frozen M. Lasagnasaurus. After carefully thawing and reheating the prehistoric beast they discovered that it was the ancient ancestor of the Lasagna Moderna. So they ate it. But, using leftover DNA samples they have been able to re-create the humongous prehistoric herbivore. Here is how you can recreate your own M. Lasagnasaurus using some special scientific equipment at home.
Before you get started, here is some helpful equipment to have:
• KitchenAid Stand-up mixer: for making large batches of dough.
• KitchenAid Pasta rolling attachment: for rolling out massive amounts of super thin dough
OR a classic hand crank pasta roller will do the trick, but will take a very, very long time.
• KitchenAid Food processor: for pulverizing the cytoplasmic sludge and the fugal goo
• A large pot: for slow cooking the tomato sauce
• A huge spring form pan (17” x 7” x 3.5”deep): or any other very large and deep baking dish. The spring form is cool because you can pop it out the lasagna and see the layers and people will oooh and aaaah.
KitchenAid technology in the field of pasta-regeneration have made it possible to clone a modern day M. Lasagnasaurus. Although it is possible to re-create the M. Lasagnasaurus without the use modern technology it is much more difficult and time consuming.
INGREDIENTS
Thick and chunky ragooze
4 carrots, diced
2 onions, diced
4 ribs of celery, diced
vegetable oil as needed
2 cloves garlic
1 – 100 oz. can crushed tomatoes (not a typo… 100 oz.)
2 Tbsp dried oregano
Sautee carrots and onions with vegetable oil in a very large pot over medium heat until the become caramelised. Add the celery, cooking until translucent. Add garlic, oregano and tomato sauce. Reduce heat to medium low and cook for 2-3 hours, stirring occassionally until sauce is thick and bubbly like molten lava. Whatever you don’t use in the lasagna will taste delicious on simple pasta with parmessan and fresh parsley.
Cytoplasmic sludge
2 large bags of spinach
400g ricotta cheese
juice and zest of 1 lemon
3 Tbsp vegetable oil
2 cloves garlic
Salt and pepper
In a large pot over medium high heat add the oil and garlic. When garlic begins to sizzle add the spinach and place lid on. Cook, stirring occasionally until spinach is wilted. Remove lid to cook away excess liquid. You can either combine the remaining ingredients in a bowl with a spoon or place all ingredients in a food processor and blend until smooth to create a cytoplasmic sludge. Either way, don’t forget to season with salt and pepper.
Fungal goo
30 button mushrooms, quartered
4 Tbsp vegetable oil
salt and pepper
½ cup red wine
2 Tbsp balsamic vinegar
Brown quartered mushrooms in single layer batches over medium heat. Don’t move mushrooms much in the pan so they have time to brown. Set aside mushrooms in a large bowl as they are browned. When mushrooms are done, deglaze the pan with red wine and add the mushrooms back, cook for 5 minutes on high. Add balsamic, salt and pepper. Can be used as is or cooled and pureed in a food processor to create a smooth fungal goo.
Sial segments - pasta recipe adapted from the KitchenAid Manual
4 large eggs
2 Tbsp water
1 Tbsp oil
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup semolina flour
1/2 tsp salt
Put all the ingredients into the mixer bowl and using the paddle attachment mix on number 2 for 45 seconds. Switch the paddle for the dough hook and continue kneading on 2 for 3 minutes. Remove the dough and knead on the counter for 2 minutes. It should be fairly smooth and slightly elastic. Use it right away or keep wrapped tightly in plastic in the fridge for up to a couple days. When using it from the fridge allow it to come to room temperature for 20 minutes before rolling it out.
Other ingredients for assembly
2 Tbsp oil
1/2 cup all-purpose flour, for dusting the sheets
10 large bocincini or 3 cups shredded mozzarella
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
ASSEMBLY
Preheat the oven to 425˚ F.
Attach the pasta sheet roller onto your Kitchen Aid Standup mixer. Divide the dough into 6 pieces. Keep dough under damp cloth until ready to roll. Have your flour handy for dusting the pasta.
Set the roller to thickest setting and turn on the machine to speed 2. Flatten out one ball of dough with your hand. Generously flour the pasta and then feed it through the machine. If it cracks or looks uneven, it’s fine, it usually takes a few runs to get it smooth. Just fold it in half and run it through again on the thickest setting. When the dough is smooth, fold it into thirds and run it through the machine so you end up with something roughly rectangular. Now adjust the roller settings to two increments higher (thinner) and run the dough again, making sure there is plenty of flour to keep it from sticking. Continue running the dough through, setting the roller to a higher (thinner) setting until you run it through on the thinest setting. Do one sheet at a time as you go along. If you do them all at once and leave them out while you assemble they will get dried out.
Now time to build the lasagna. Generously lubricate the baking dish (17” x 7” x 3.5”deep) with 2 Tbsp of oil. Start with a base layer of tomatey Rag-ooze on the bottom and lay down some thin pasta sheets.
The layering does not have to be perfect to be delicious. Don’t worry about holes or perfectly rectangular pasta sheets, just drape them over the edge of the pan and rest assured it will all taste delicious. you can even just use scrap pieces to patch in holes and gaps.
Now put a thin layer of fungal goo. Then a layer of pasta. Then a thin layer of cytoplasmic sludge. Then more pasta.
Keep going… Rag-ooze, pasta, goo, pasta, sludge, pasta, etc. until you just about reach the top (leave 3/4 inch). Cover the top with tomato rag-ooze, torn bocincini balls or shredded mozarella and finally the Parmesan cheese.
Blap the whole thing in the oven and bake at 425˚ F for 20 minutes, then reduce heat to 325˚F for 1 hour and finally you can finish it under the broiler if it needs a little more brown on top. Let the whole mess rest for at least 20 minutes out of the oven, then divide the deep layered monster amongst your hungry pack of dinosaurs.
Feeds a crowd of 12-16 hungry-hungry herbivores.
Sorry bout the photo, forgot the camera at home when we went away for the weekend, had to snap this with the phone… but hey, it sure was tasty and satisfied a pretty hungry crowd!
Filed under: fork
There once was a boxing champ
Whose attire was outdatedly damp
His shorts were once chic
But now they’re antique
So they needed a little revamp
Classic Irish Champ is one of the most timeless Irish dishes. Spring or green onions are mixed into creamy mashed potatoes and served piping hot with a knob of butter that melts in the middle to create a golden well of buttery goodness.
The trick is to eat with a fork starting on the outside and dipping each bite of potato into the golden well of melted butter.
Champ may be timeless but even the classics need an update once in a while. So try these revamped champs with a side of sausage and mustard with a tall beer this Patty’s Day. You gotta stick and move, work around the outside of the ring and get ready for that knock-out buttery finish.
CLASSIC CHAMP
INGREDIENTS
2 large russet potatoes
1 cup milk
½ cup heavy cream
2 Tsp table salt (or more to taste)
4 pats of butter (2 Tbsp each)
3 Green or 1 Spring Onion, thinly sliced
PROCEDURE
Peel and cut your potatoes into 8. Place all the potatoes in a large pot full of cold water. Get the pot over high heat and bring to a boil. Cook until the potatoes are tender and just beginning to fray at the edges. Drain the potatoes and let them blow off some steam in the colander for 10 minutes.
Back in the pot warm up the milk and salt on the residual heat from the stove, or just on low if you are using a gas burner.
Now dump the potatoes in the warm milk and mash until as smooth as you can manage without feeling like you went 5 rounds with the champ.
Here’s the trick to making the champ. Stir in the sliced green onions. Serve it on four plates and while it is still piping hot make a well in the middle of the mound of potatoes and plop in your pat of butter so it starts to melt.
Serves four
REVAMPED CHAMP VARIATIONS
Bacon, Leek and Kilkenny
4 slices of bacon, thinly sliced
2 large leeks, thinly sliced
a glug of vegetable oil
2 cups Kilkenny Irish cream ale
Make a round of Champ as directed above but omit the green onions.
Get a large frying pan on the stove over medium heat. Place thinly sliced bacon and thinly sliced leeks into the pan with a glug of oil and a pinch of salt. Don’t fiddle with them much, just let them develop some colour. When they start to brown really good after about 15 minutes you can go ahead and toss in the beer and let it all cook down until it is slightly syrupy.
Mix into the mashed potatoes or serve on top. Pile the potatoes on a plate and make a well for the butter.
Onion and Guinness
1 yellow onion, fine diced
a glug of vegetable oil
1 cup Guinness stout beer
knob of butter
splash of vinegar (malt or balsamic)
Make a round of Champ as directed above but omit the green onions.
Get a pan on medium heat. Sweat diced onions with a glug of oil and a pinch of salt until soft and translucent. Add the Guinness straight in with a little knob of butter and continue cooking over medium until most of the liquid evaporates and the onions look gorgeous and dark. Add a splash of malt or balsamic vinegar to brighten everything up a little.
Mix into the mashed potatoes or serve sprinkled on top. Pile the potatoes on a plate and make a well for the butter.
Ham and peas
½ white onion, diced
6 slices thick cut ham, diced
glug of oil
pinch of salt
¾ cup heavy cream
½ cup frozen peas
fresh cracked pepper
Make a round of Champ as directed above but omit the green onions.
Dice the ham and onion into peas-sized bits. Place them in a frying pan over medium low heat with a glug of oil and a pinch of salt. Cook until ham is heated through and the onions are translucent. Add cream and reduce for 5 minutes. Add peas and heat through for 5 more minutes. Mix into the mashed potatoes or serve on top. Pile the potatoes on a plate and make a well for the butter.
Mustard, cheese and celery
¼ cup grainy mustard
1 celery heart, finely sliced
1 cup grated white Irish cheddar (Kerrygold)
Make a round of Champ as directed above but omit the green onions.
As soon as the potatoes are mashed, toss in all of this stuff and mix it all in until it’s smooth. Pile it on a plate and make a well for the butter.
Everybody goes a little cuckoo-crazy this time of year.The days grow shorter, colder and more dreary, and the decreasing amount of sunlight has a negative effect upon our mental fitness. You either need a trip to Hawaii or some comfort food to keep your spirits up through our long winters. Sadly, tropical vacations may now be out of reach financially (how’s that RRSP doing?), but the cure for our Seasonal Affective Disorder state can be found within the skin of the plentiful, and pennywise, winter squash.
Don’t let that tough, seemingly impenetrable exterior stop you. People fear what lies beneath that hard shell, which is a shame because beneath its gruff exterior this perfect fall veggie is a gold mine of nutritionally dense complex carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals. What’s more, it’s crazy delicious.
To conquer your squash phobia, you must first put down those out-of-season Mexican strawberries and pick up a gourd. Choosing a squash is easier than you think. For the most part, they’re immune to manhandling and can easily survive the short truck ride from the farm to our local markets and stores. Don’t worry about surface scratches or dirt; you won’t be eating the skin, so just make sure there are no gashes or soft bruises. Load up on a variety of squash now and if you store them in a cool dark spot, they’ll last all winter and probably most of next year.
Deciding which to choose is the least of your worries. From the gnarly skinned hubbard to the elegant delicata and the smooth, familiar pumpkin, gourds all have something special to offer. And don’t worry about what to do with them. There are many ways to cook a squash: puréed in soup, spiced in a tagine, cooked into risotto or baked in a pie.
This brings us back to the real root of our fears: people are most afraid of what they can’t see. To combat that, take our fall-vegetable Rorsquash test, a series of photographs of seemingly randomly squashed squash that are designed to trigger your innermost dining desires. Based upon what you see in these photos, you’ll be able to figure out your squash personality, and through that, unlock the secret to a veggie feast and a SAD-free fall.
Butternut squash
Figure No. 1: You see the remains of an orange-fleshed acrobat that fell from a tightrope to its doom
You must be eating way too many nuts, because you are what you eat. To get back on track, you need to switch to toasted pumpkin seeds.
First, gut your squash by cutting it in half and scooping out the insides. Free the seeds from the gunky stuff and place them in a bowl. Pour in a little oil to coat, and add plenty of salt and some seasoning like paprika or cinnamon. Evenly distribute the seeds on a parchment-lined baking sheet and toast at 160 °C (325 °F) until they are crispy and delicious. Scrape them into a bowl to cool and pick up the phone; sharing the seeds can help you make some meaningful connections with well-adjusted humans who simply don’t see what you do in this photo.
Acorn squash
Figure No. 2: You see roasted squash swimming in butter and salt
You over-complicate your life with meaningless pursuits when you should be trying to simplify things.
Take any winter squash and cut it in half or quarters. Scoop out the seeds and set them aside for roasting. In a deep baking dish, toss in the squash pieces and pour in a cup of water. Tightly cover the dish with foil and put it in a 175 °C (350 °F) oven. After 45 minutes, remove the foil and check for doneness. The squash is cooked when the flesh is tender and you can pull it easily away from the skin with a spoon. Serve hot, with loads of cold butter and plenty of salt.
Delicata squash
Figure No. 3: You see a colourful squash salad
You are restless and can not easily find satisfaction with the ordinary. Clearly, you are tired of the same old cold-weather comfort food and long for brighter flavours.
Select a thin-skinned squash, such as delicata or small pumpkin, so you’ll be able to eat the skin when it is roasted. Slice the squash into rounds or wedges, remove the seeds and place the pieces on a baking sheet. Lubricate generously with oil and season with thyme or rosemary and plenty of salt.
Bake the squash at 175 °C (350 °F) until it is tender and has developed some golden-brown colour. Remove the squash from oven and let it cool slightly. Plate the warm chunks or wedges and top with wedges of fresh tomato, whole pitted black olives, grated Parmesan cheese, strips of prosciutto and a splash of lemon juice or balsamic vinegar. Finish with a drizzle of dark-green pumpkin-seed oil for a surprising aromatic effect.
Buttercup squash
Figure No. 4: You see a bowl of hot, creamy Squash soup
Your life is in shambles, your house is a chaotic mess of disorganization and you crave order.
Use a butternut, buttercup or hubbard squash and roast it according to the instructions above. Scoop out all the flesh and place it in a blender. Cover with warm water and blend until velvety smooth. (Add more water if necessary.) Pour into a pot and slowly heat it through. Add salt to taste, some grated ginger and a knob of cold butter. Serve in a sparkling white bowl with a little dollop of sour cream and fresh cracked pepper. Savour the smooth simplicity.
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- Butternut squash
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- Delicata squash
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- Acorn squash
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- Buttercup squash
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- Tiny pumpkin squash
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- Golden Buttercup squash
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- Golden Hubbard squash
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- Blue hubbard squash
As we plough horns-first into the year of the ox, be warned it’s going to be a slow ride.
The ox is outstanding in its field, ranking second in the chinese zodiac cycle. Dedication and head-down hard work are necessary to maintain the stability the ox requires to be productive and successful.
Your patience with this slow braised oxtail recipe will reward you with fall-off-the-bone meat, a gorgeous rich sauce and a meal that will inspire others to work as hard as you to achieve the same success.
Don’t bother with get rich quick scams like microwave dinners, think inside the ox with this slow cooked dish.
INGREDIENTS
4 rounds of oxtail ( approx 2 lbs)
¼ cup flour
2 Tbsp vegetable oil
1 orange, zested and juiced
10 whole cloves of garlic, peeled
20 shitake mushrooms
1 Tbsp tomato paste
2 cups of water
½ soy sauce
½ cup rice wine vinegar
2 Tbsp sugar
1 large nob of ginger, cut into 1 cm slices
Serve with cooked short grain white rice, sliced green onions and sautéed snow peas
PROCEDURE
Preheat oven to 300˚F.
First, prepare the orange by using your vegetable peeler to pull off three or four long strips of the orange peel (aka: zest). Cut the orange in half and squeeze the juice into a bowl and set aside.
Get a large ovenproof pan (no plastic handle) on the stove over medium heat. Don’t set the heat any higher than medium for the whole cooking process. While the pan heats up sprinkle the flour all over the oxtail. When the pan is hot, add the oil and wait until it gets hot (it’ll ripple when you tilt the pan). Knock off the excess flour and carefully place each oxtail on a flat side and just leave it to get brown.
When you’ve browned each side remove the oxtails and set aside.
In the same pan sautee the garlic and mushrooms for 2 minutes. Stir in the tomato paste and orange juice, stirring until the tomato paste blends in.
Tip in hot water, soy sauce, rice wine vinegar, sugar, ginger and orange zest. Give it a stir to incorporate.
Gently place the oxtail into the liquid. The oxtail should be half submerged, add more hot water if necessary.
Bring the liquid to a simmer, cover tightly with tinfoil and blap the whole thing into the oven.
Braise for 3 hours.
Meanwhile, slice the green onions and whip up a batch of short grain white rice in the rice cooker.
Take the pan out of the oven and remove the oxtail to set aside.
Pick out the orange zest and the big slices of ginger and discard. On medium low heat simmer the sauce and mushrooms until the sauce is thick and sticky. There is a lot of sugar in the sauce, so be careful not to burn it.
Serve a scoop of rice, an oxtail and a scoop of saucy garlic mushrooms in a bowl. Top with green onions. Heat up a tablespoon of oil in a pan and quickly sautee some snowpeas right before serving.
Serves 2 hardworking people.
Filed under: fork
Nipply weather means a very inhibiting change of wardrobe for nudists. Fight the cold outside with warm deliciously tender gnudi inside your tummy.
These pasta dumplings are easy to prepare, but take some extra time to form in the fridge. The result is well worth the wait when you take your first bite of these yummy little bundles of warmth.
After you get that warm fuzzy feeling go for a bare-rump romp in the snow, but you may want to wear something to keep Jack Frost from nipping at your nipply bits.
INGREDIENTS
300g ricotta
100g grated parmesan
1 egg
pinch salt
4 cups semolina flour
¼ cup butter
2 cloves garlic, crushed
5 sage leaves
1 Tbsp balsamic vinegar
PROCEDURE
In a bowl, mix together the ricotta, parmesan, egg and pinch of salt. In a deep dish with straight sides cover the bottom of the dish with half of the semolina flour. Place the ricotta bowl next to the semolina dish. Grab a spoonful of the ricotta mix, roll it in your palms to make a perfect ball. This is good practice for making snowballs. Place the balls in the bed of semolina flour with space between each ball.
Bury the ricotta balls with the remaining semolina flour, cover with plastic wrap and place in the fridge for 48-72 hours. The semolina flour will extract the moisture from the ricotta and form its own natural pasta shell. The shell is delicate and requires gentle handling and cooking, but the result is a rich, tender ball of ricotta pasta in your mouth.
To cook, fill a pot with 2 inches of salty water and bring to a very gentle simmer. A rapid boil will tear the gnudi to shreds.
In a frying pan over medium heat, melt the butter with sage leaves and grated garlic. Cook it slowly until the butter begins to get brown. Before it gets too brown add the vinegar for flavour and to stop the cooking. Remove the pan from the heat so it does not continue to get brown or burn.
When you are ready to cook the gnudi, carefully extract the tender little dumplings and gingerly shake off the excess flour. Don’t shake off too much, more will cook off while it boils, but that is fine. Place a few in the gently simmering water and cook for 5 minutes. Remove them with a slotted spoon, don’t dump into a strainer or they will fall apart. Place them directly in the brown butter sauce and flip to coat in sauce. Serve eight on a warm plate with a nice sprinkling of parmesan cheese. Don’t eat the sage, it is certainly edible, but it is only there to add flavour.
Plan to feed 4 people, but expect to want to make them again immediately… oh wait they take two days to make… better make more next time.
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Celebrate the new year with cake and champagne.
This cake is a coup de grâce that pushes the boundaries of decency with reckless excess. What would life be without cake? So let them eat cake!
Marie Antoinette presents a light génoise cake luxuriated with rich chantilly and a refreshing assortment of red and blue berries. Try not to lose your head as we raise our spirits with a coupe of Kir Royale and join the toast to the simple pleasures.
GENOISE
3 eggs
75g cake flour
75g sugar
pinch of salt
butter and flour for chemiser
CHAMPAGNE SYRUP
1 cup Champagne
1/2 cup sugar
CHANTILLY
3 cups heavy cream
2 Tbsp powdered sugar
1 vanilla bean
GARNISH
20 raspeberries
20 blueberries
PROCEDURE:
To make the champagne Syrup
In a small sauce pan bring Champagne to a boil. Add the sugar, stirring to make sure it dissolves. Allow to cool before using in the cake.
To make the Génoise
Preheat the oven to 350 F.
Prepare the cake pan by buttering and flouring. Refrigerate to chill the butter.
Set up a water bath with pot of water and a bowl to fit snuggly inside. Make sure the water does not come in contact with the bottom of the bowl. Bring the water to a boil, turn off heat and let stand for 10 minutes while the temperature drops down to 120 F.
Whisk the eggs and sugar in a bowl. When they are light and smooth place the bowl over the warm water.
Fold in the sifted flour in thirds with a rubber spatula.
Pour the batter into the pan and spin the pan to evenly distribute the batter.
Bake the cake for 20-35 minutes. The cake is done baking when the color is golden brown and your finger indentation bounces back when you press in the center of the cake.
When it is done, turn out the cake and place it on a rack to cool. When it cools, slice it into even layers. Brush each layer with Champagne syrup.
To Make Chantilly
Split the vanilla bean and scrape the seeds into a large bowl, add the heavy cream and whip with a balloon whisk until it begins to thicken. Gently sprinkle in the powdered sugar and continue whisking until the whipped cream thickens but do not over whisk and make butter.
To serve
Cut the cake into 8 even slices and place pieces on their side in the center of the plate, top with whipped cream, raspberries and blueberries. Red, white and blue are the colours of the French flag.
Serve with Kir Royale in a coupe style Champagne glass.
KIR ROYALE
Named after the Mayor of Dijon, Canon Kir, the Kir Royale is a sweet cocktail that works wonderfully with the sweetness of the cake and richness of the whipped cream. Simple Champagne would be too dry for such a dessert and Marie Antoinette would be thrilled with the sweet pinkness of the drink… not to mention its royal designation.
To make a pink fruity Kir Royale pour one part Creme de Cassis de Bourgogne in the coupe and add 2 parts Champagne Billecart-Salmon Brut-Réserve.
According to legend the Champagne coupe (the short Champagne glass) was modelled after one of Marie Antoinette’s breasts.
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Waldorf is one of those celebrity salads that has fallen out of the spotlight. He came from a generation of salads who enjoyed the heady glam days of big hats, big bands and big salads. The combination of celery, apples, walnuts and grapes in a mayonnaise dressing was a real show stopper in its time.
In his hay-day, Waldorf was spotted mingling in the poshest hotels and trendy eateries. Some rumour that he was discovered and made famous at the Waldorf Hotel (now Waldorf Astoria in NYC). Credit for his discovery is often given to Oscar Tschirky who was the matre D’ at the time, although many claimed to be a part of making the legend.
Unlike his colleague Caesar, Waldorf’s attempts at maintaining the spotlight fell short and he began to wilt in a fast-paced world of ever changing food.
It seemed like a low point in his declining career came when he made a satyircal appearance on Fawlty Towers in hopes that self mockery might bolster a come back. When Basil Fawlty is commanded to make a Waldorf salad for an impudent American guest he bewilderingly replies ”I think we’re just out of Waldorfs.” Later in a fit of panic, he rages “What is a Waldorf anyway, a walnut that’s gone off?”.
Even with the ressurgence of has-been stars making their way back into the public eye, Waldorf salad has managed to keep his dignity by avoiding the most recent onslaught of reality-TV mocking comeback shows. Inspite of the temptation to sell out, Waldorf has re-invented himself for a new generation of more sophisticated eaters with a roasted Waldorf and hopefully this time he can secure his place in food history.
Roasted Waldorf Salad
INGREDIENTS
2 granny smith apple, diced
2 celeriac, diced
1 red onion, diced
2 Tbsp vegetable oil
ACCOUTREMENT
1/2 cup walnuts
2 Tbsp oil
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup golden raisins
1 cup white wine
pinch of yellow curry powder
DRESSING
1/2 cup mayonnaise
juice of 1/2 lemon
salt
Preheat the oven to 425˚ F.
Combine celeriac, apples, red onion, vegetable oil and salt. Place in a single layer on a baking sheet.
Blap it in the oven and roast until the celeriac is tender and everything begins to brown nicely, let’s say 30 minutes or so.
Place raisins, curry powder and wine in a small pot and bring to a boil. Boil for 2 minutes, turn off heat and cover with a lid to cool.
Toss the walnuts with oil and salt. Place evenly on a baking sheet and blap it in the oven for just a few minutes to get golden and toasted.
When the celeriac, apple and onions are done. Let them cool down to room temperature.
Mix the mayonnaise,salt and lemon juice in a big bowl. Add the roasted stuff and toss to coat. Serve with walnuts and raisins on the side.
Serves 2 for dinner or four as a salad course.
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Moms have been known to say “If you’re hungry enough, you’ll eat it.” But that really doesn’t say much about their cooking. While kids can be very picky eaters the truth of the matter is that “If it tastes good, you’ll eat it.” So, here is an homage to mothers around the world who struggle to get their picky eaters to try the most dreaded of sustenance…the green vegetable.
BAG ‘O GREENS
Choose any kind of green leaf and chop it roughly. Then put it in a sealable bag or tupperware container. Add a good glug of olive oil, lemon juice, salt, pepper and smooshed garlic cloves (just crush them and throw in the whole clove). Give the bag or container a shimmy-shake until the leaves are coated. These can stay in the fridge like this for a couple days (kale will last longer because it is tougher). Pan fry little batches as you need them and serve them to the ravenous hordes. The leaves are flavour loaded and oil coated, so they can go right into the pan for a quick jump around. Add all kinds of spices to mix it up a bit.
Make like a tree and leaf
Arugula Beet greens Bok choy Gai Lan
Chard Dandelion Kale Mustard greens
Romaine Spinach Watercress
P.B.B.S. (Aka: The peanut butter broccoli solution)
In a frying pan combine a big scoop of peanut butter (100% peanuts, no sweeteners or fillers) , a good glug of sweet Thai chili sauce and a half a cup of water. Bring to a simmer over medium heat stirring until it is a creamy smooth consistency. Carefully mix in pieces of broccoli or broccolini and cook over medium heat until broccoli reaches desired tenderness.
CREAMED SPINACH
Go get yourself a whole bunch of extra toothbrushes and stash them everywhere: in your car, your desk, your nightstand, the fridge. You will want to eat this spinach all the time.
1 cup 2% milk
1 Tbsp flour
pinch of nutmeg
pinch of salt
1/4 cup parmesan cheese
pack of frozen spinach, thawed and drained
splash of balsamic vinegar (optional)
pepper
Preheat the oven to broil on high. In a saucepan or small pot (make sure it has an ovenproof handle) combine salt, flour and milk and cook over medium heat until it thickens and reduces to half the original amount (10 minutes). Stir it frequently so it doesn’t burn on the bottom. Mix in the parmesan cheese, reserving some to sprinkle on top. Add the thawed drained pack of frozen spinach mix until incorporated and sprinkle the top with parmesan. Blap it in the oven for seven minutes or until the top is golden and crispy. Pull it out of the oven and drizzle the top with balsamic vinegar and a peppering of pepper.
Filed under: fork
Need a Halloween costume idea? How about a real life villain?
Bloody Mary was a bloody holy terror. Mary I Queen of England earned her sinister alias for her religious persecutions in the mid 16th Century. During her short 5 year reign of terror on the throne of England she racked up nearly 300 heretics on behalf of the Roman Catholic church. Her choice of execution was to burn the dissenters at the stake.
A ghastly play on the popular spicy tomato/vodka drink combined with spaghetti a la vodka, comes a horrifying combination for a gruesome halloween dinner.
Ingredients:
450 g spaghetti
2 cup tomato juice
1/2 oz vodka
1 red onion, sliced
2 cloves garlic, roughly hacked
3 Italian sausage
10 bocincini balls, roughly hacked
Procedure
Get a big pot of water on to boil with plenty of salt.
Remove the casing from the italian sausage and crumble into a bowl. Bring a large pan up to heat over medium heat, add some oil and sautée the sausage. When the sausage is half cooked, add the onions and garlic and continue to cook slowly until the onions are soft and the sausage is fully cooked through.
Crank the pan up to high heat and get everything really hot. Pour the shot of vodka into a shooter glass and get your long handled barbecue lighter ready. (See PYROPHOBIA side note) Take the pan off the heat, pour in the vodka, put it back on the heat and light it on fire. Watch out for flames. After the fire subsides, pour in the tomato juice and cook it all to incorporate.
Drain the spaghetti and put it back into the big pot. Now add the sauce and stir to coat it all. At the last minute, toss in the bocincini and stir like mad so the heat makes the cheese go all stringy and gooey like a big messy massacre.
Serve it in a ghaslty pile in a bowl with bread on the side.
Serves 6 ravenous fiends.
Filed under: fork
Fast, cheap and pungent… and you should try their pasta! The saucy prostitutes of Naples are famous for their puttanesca pasta said to lure customers with its intoxicating aromas.
This hot and spicy sauce is like an invigorating mouth spanking, combining the strong flavours of garlic, chili flakes, anchovies, capers and olives. For any working girl … or boy, this pantry-raiding recipe is easy to make at a moment’s notice, especially if you only have a few minutes between jobs. It could not be faster or easier to master, leaving you plenty of time to freshen up and load on the mascara… just remember that good girls pinch, whores wear blush.
Ingredients:
salt for water
1 lb/500g spaghetti
¼ cup olive oil
3-5 canned anchovy filets
1 tsp chili flakes
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 shallot, minced
1 small can of diced tomatoes
2 Tbsp tomato paste
1 Tbsp capers
20 black olives, pitted
1/2 bunch parsley, chopped
200 g parmesan, for grating
Procedure:
Bring a big pot of water to a boil. Salt it generously… salty like the Meditranean Sea.
While the water is coming to a boil, get a large frying pan on low heat. Pour in the olive oil and gently lay down the anchovy filets. Let them warm up slowly until the start to melt and fall apart. When the anchovies are melted, you can add the chili flakes, garlic and shallot. It won’t take long for your eyes to well up with tears… but it’s time to grow up, this is no time for crying.
If the water is boiling, you should toss in the pasta.
When the shallot is soft, turn the heat all the way up and add the tomatoes and tomato paste.
Take the tomato can and use it to scoop out half a can of pasta water and add it to the sauce. The starches in the water will add nice body to the sauce. Reduce it so it is nice and saucy, but still slightly sloppy.
Towards the end of the cooking time, add the olives and capers.
Drain your al dente pasta. Pour the sauce into the now empty big boiling pot, then transfer the pasta back in to mix it all up. Serve with loads of parsley and grated parmesan.
Putting the putta in the puttanesca
Puttanesca is derived from the Italian word ‘putta’, meaning prostitute. It certainly has a nicer ring than these other options…
Escortaloni
Bimbochini
Trolloponi
Whorechetti
