When the Romans saw something they wanted, they just whipped out their spears and made it their own. It is the ease with which the Romans could simply lift a leg and march on a city that ranked the Romans as number one amongst their peers.

Asparagus was once free and wild as the breeze it swung in, but when the Romans got a taste for this wee wild grass, they captured and cultivated it for their pleasure. As Roman soldiers continued to assertively mark their territory throughout the known world, so did asparagus following in the soldiers’ tracks.

However, long after the last Roman legions trickled out, asparagus continued to flow steadily throughout the Middle East, modern Europe and eventually made its course across the ocean to the Americas.

Today we can commemorate another asparagus season with this recipe for toast soldiers, asparagus spears and soft-boiled eggs.

INGREDIENTS

 Asparagus spears

12 asparagus spears

juice and zest of one lemon

drizzle of olive oil

salt and pepper to taste

Soft-boiled eggs

4 eggs

salt and pepper

Toast soldiers

2 pieces of bread

butter 

PROCEDURE

To cook the asparagus

Preheat the oven to 425˚F.

Hold an asparagus by each end in your fingertips. Bend the asparagus, applying slightly more pressure to the fat end until the asparagus snaps. Wherever it snaps is the perfect spot. You can chuck the fat ends and toss all the spears in a single layer in an ovenproof dish. Dirzzle on some olive oil, the zest and juice of one lemon and season with salt and pepper. Toss them with your hands to coat and get them in the oven for 20 minutes. Flip them half way through the cooking.

To soft boil eggs

Get all four eggs in a small pot and submerge by ½-inch in cold water. Get the pot on the stove over high heat. When the little bubbles begin to break the surface 6 at a time, turn on your timer to exactly 4.5 minutes. If the water starts to boil really vigorously, you can turn it down a bit so the eggs don’t get too rattled.

When 4.5 minutes is up, drain the eggs immediately and use a sharp knife to crack them open.  Start with a little tap to break the shell, then a quick hard cut to go all the way through. Season the runny yolk generously with salt and pepper.

To make the toast soldiers

Place the bread in a toaster and hit the magic toast button. Pretty soon the toaster will spit out some toast. Apply butter to the toast, then cut it into 4 long strips, or toast soldiers.

Serve eggs in an egg cup along with 3  toast soldiers and 6 asparagus spears.

Four number ones

Modern scientists do not have any conclusive evidence regarding the effects of asparagus on urine. No one has quite been able to narrow down the compound responsible for causing malodorous urine after consuming asparagus. It could be dimethyl sulfide or S-methylthioacrylate… personally I think it’s the methanethiol.

The greater mystery is how and why it affects people in different ways. Only some people produce the sulfurous smelling urine after consuming asparagus but, to complicate things, not every one who produces the odour is able to smell it.

Resulting in 4 categories

Those who produce the odour but cannot smell it

Those who do not produce the odour and cannot smell it

Those who produce the odour and can smell it

Those who do not produce the odour but can smell it in other peoples’ urine

More research is clearly needed on this subject …

In an attempt to persuade the deviled egg to choose between it’s inherent devilish nature or become a good egg we have two sides to the argument. To present both sides of the argument Conversations with a Cupcake and Kitchen Scraps have agreed to disagree on the subject of good versus evil in order to lure the Deviled egg to see their point of view. The inherently angelic Brooke from Conversations with a Cupcake will attempt to persuade the egg that it is a good egg. While the irreverently devilish Pierre from Kitchen Scraps will use every rotten-egg trick in the book to get the egg to join the dark side. In the end it will be the reader who decides wether or not the Deviled Egg is good or evil.

The Devil’s Advocate

This is not even a debate, you’re a devilled egg!

Unless you are planning on getting an egg-corcism, you are going to remain a rotten little egg until the day you get fried. So, forget about what’s fair or fowl, eggsercise your rights to be your own egg.

I imagine you’re a little scrambled at the moment, but let’s face it, you’re a bad egg so just try to egg-roll with it or you’ll end up going soft. Toughen up that shell.

You may not be an egg-head, but you’re smart enough to know you’re on an egg-celerated spiral down if you join those other whitey yolkels in their cardboard coffins. You might as well be humpty-dumpty, cause you’ll never be able to put yourself back together again…

It’s not that I’m trying to egg you on, but for the record, the chicken came first… what do you expect, you got no feet? Life can be such a cruel yolk. Speaking of bad yolks… when was the last time you even got laid? Maybe it’s time to meet some older chicks and forget about being such a good egg. 

See what Brooke over at Conversations with a Cupcake has to say about being a good egg… and have your say at the reader poll over there. 

_______________________________

Plus a very big special thanks from Kitchen Scraps to Conversation with a Cupcake for coming up with this great idea and initiating such a fun, cool collaboration. And now without further ado, here is the recipe courtesy of Conversations with a Cupcake….

CRIMSON SMOKED DEVILED EGGS
Inspired by kokkina avga–the ruby hued eggs exchanged during the Greek Pasha (Easter) celebration–these red-deviled eggs recieve ample amounts of  color and flavor from beets, smoked paprika, and a hit of cayenne pepper.  Don’t be alarmed by the untraditional mixture of ingredients.  You’ll find the taste is both gloriously good and devilishly delicious.

INGREDIENTS

12 eggs

8 1/2 oz. can sliced beets, drained and pureed

1/2 t. cayenne pepper

1 t. smoked paprika

1/2 t. salt 

2 T. sour cream

1 T. mayonnaise

1 t. onion powder

1/2 t. red icing paste

2 T. microplaned smoked parmesan or romano

2 T. sliced fresh chives

PROCEDURE

To boil eggs (without that devilish grey ring around the yolk): Fill a large pot with enough water to fully cover eggs.  Cover with a lid.  Bring to a boil and cook 10 minutes.  Remove from heat and allow to sit an additional 5 minutes.  Drain water from pot, then cover eggs quickly with ice.  Allow to sit five minutes more. Carefully crack eggs, remove peels, cut in half and place cooked yolks in a medium bowl. 
To yolks, add beets, red pepper, paprika, salt, sour cream, mayonnaise, onion powder and icing coloring.  Mash with a fork until well mixed and smooth.  Spoon or pipe mixture into center ofegg whites.  Garnish with a sprinkling of cheese and chives.

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Big huge thanks to Conversations with a Cupcake for coming up with the recipe and the idea to collaborate on such a fun project.

Millions of years ago the Megalicious Lasagnasaurus roamed the earth eating cytoplasmic sludge, fungal goo and thick and chunky rag-ooze. Recently, paleontologists dug down through the layers of the earth’s crust to discover the remains of an intact frozen M. Lasagnasaurus. After carefully thawing and reheating the prehistoric beast they discovered that it was the ancient ancestor of the Lasagna Moderna. So they ate it. But, using leftover DNA samples they have been able to re-create the humongous prehistoric herbivore. Here is how you can recreate your own M. Lasagnasaurus using some special scientific equipment at home. 

Before you get started, here is some helpful equipment to have:

• KitchenAid Stand-up mixer: for making large batches of dough.

• KitchenAid Pasta rolling attachment: for rolling out massive amounts of super thin dough

OR a classic hand crank pasta roller will do the trick, but will take a very, very long time.

• KitchenAid Food processor: for pulverizing the cytoplasmic sludge and the fugal goo

• A large pot: for slow cooking the tomato sauce

• A huge spring form pan (17” x 7” x 3.5”deep): or any other very large and deep baking dish. The spring form is cool because you can pop it out the lasagna and see the layers and people will oooh and aaaah.

KitchenAid technology in the field of pasta-regeneration have made it possible to clone a modern day M. Lasagnasaurus. Although it is possible to re-create the M. Lasagnasaurus without the use modern technology it is much more difficult and time consuming.

INGREDIENTS

Thick and chunky ragooze

4 carrots, diced

2 onions, diced

4 ribs of celery, diced

vegetable oil as needed

2 cloves garlic

1 – 100 oz. can crushed tomatoes (not a typo… 100 oz.)

2 Tbsp dried oregano

Sautee carrots and onions with vegetable oil in a very large pot over medium heat until the become caramelised. Add the celery, cooking until translucent. Add garlic, oregano and tomato sauce. Reduce heat to medium low and cook for 2-3 hours, stirring occassionally until sauce is thick and bubbly like molten lava. Whatever you don’t use in the lasagna will taste delicious on simple pasta with parmessan and fresh parsley.

Cytoplasmic sludge

2 large bags of spinach

400g ricotta cheese

juice and zest of 1 lemon

3 Tbsp vegetable oil

2 cloves garlic

Salt and pepper

In a large pot over medium high heat add the oil and garlic. When garlic begins to sizzle add the spinach and place lid on. Cook, stirring occasionally  until spinach is wilted. Remove lid to cook away excess liquid. You can either combine the remaining ingredients in a bowl with a spoon or place all ingredients in a food processor and blend until smooth to create a cytoplasmic sludge. Either way, don’t forget to season with salt and pepper.

Fungal goo

30 button mushrooms, quartered

4 Tbsp vegetable oil

salt and pepper

½ cup red wine

2 Tbsp balsamic vinegar

Brown quartered mushrooms in single layer batches over medium heat. Don’t move mushrooms much in the pan so they have time to brown. Set aside mushrooms in a large bowl as they are browned. When mushrooms are done, deglaze the pan with red wine and add the mushrooms back, cook for 5 minutes on high. Add balsamic, salt and pepper. Can be used as is or cooled and pureed in a food processor to create a smooth fungal goo. 

Sial segments - pasta recipe adapted from the KitchenAid Manual

4 large eggs

2 Tbsp water

1 Tbsp oil

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 cup semolina flour

1/2 tsp salt

Put all the ingredients into the mixer bowl and using the paddle attachment mix on number 2 for 45 seconds. Switch the paddle for the dough hook and continue kneading on 2 for 3 minutes. Remove the dough and knead on the counter for 2 minutes. It should be fairly smooth and slightly elastic. Use it right away or keep wrapped tightly in plastic in the fridge for up to a couple days. When using it from the fridge allow it to come to room temperature for 20 minutes before rolling it out.

Other ingredients for assembly

2 Tbsp oil

1/2 cup all-purpose flour, for dusting the sheets

10 large bocincini or 3 cups shredded mozzarella

1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

ASSEMBLY

Preheat the oven to 425˚ F. 

Attach the pasta sheet roller onto your Kitchen Aid Standup mixer. Divide the dough into 6 pieces. Keep dough under damp cloth until ready to roll. Have your flour handy for dusting the pasta.

Set the roller to thickest setting and turn on the machine to speed 2. Flatten out one ball of dough with your hand. Generously flour the pasta and then feed it through the machine. If it cracks or looks uneven, it’s fine, it usually takes a few runs to get it smooth. Just fold it in half and run it through again on the thickest setting. When the dough is smooth, fold it into thirds and run it through the machine so you end up with something roughly rectangular. Now adjust the roller settings to two increments higher (thinner) and run the dough again, making sure there is plenty of flour to keep it from sticking. Continue running the dough through, setting the roller to a higher (thinner) setting until you run it through on the thinest setting. Do one sheet at a time as you go along. If you do them all at once and leave them out while you assemble they will get dried out. 

Now time to build the lasagna. Generously lubricate the baking dish (17” x 7” x 3.5”deep) with 2 Tbsp of oil. Start with a base layer of tomatey Rag-ooze on the bottom and lay down some thin pasta sheets.

The layering does not have to be perfect to be delicious. Don’t worry about holes or perfectly rectangular pasta sheets, just drape them over the edge of the pan and rest assured it will all taste delicious. you can even just use scrap pieces to patch in holes and gaps.

Now put a thin layer of fungal goo. Then a layer of pasta. Then a thin layer of cytoplasmic sludge. Then more pasta. 

Keep going… Rag-ooze, pasta, goo, pasta, sludge, pasta, etc. until you just about reach the top (leave 3/4 inch). Cover the top with tomato rag-ooze, torn bocincini balls or shredded mozarella and finally the Parmesan cheese. 

Blap the whole thing in the oven and bake at 425˚ F for 20 minutes, then reduce heat to 325˚F for 1 hour and finally you can finish it under the broiler if it needs a little more brown on top. Let the whole mess rest for at least 20 minutes out of the oven, then divide the deep layered monster amongst your hungry pack of dinosaurs.

Feeds a crowd of 12-16 hungry-hungry herbivores.

Sorry bout the photo, forgot the camera at home when we went away for the weekend, had to snap this with the phone… but hey, it sure was tasty and satisfied a pretty hungry crowd!

Once upon a time there lived four mole brothers named Marcello, Malcolm, Malvolio and Maury. On the first morning of Spring they were all suddenly awoken by a magnificent medley of Springtime smells wafting down to their mole hole. They all dashed to the front hole to see if they could identify the smell, but when they got to the door three of the brothers all got jammed in the entrance with their noses sticking out and the last brother was stuck behind them with no chance of getting through.

Although they were stuck, the three brothers swooned over the amazing Spring smells wafting through their sleepy winter noses.

Marcello sighed at the nectarous bouquet of flowers, Malcolm trilled at the sweet perfume of honey and Malvolio was ecstatic over the syrupy scent of fresh pancakes!

But Maury, who was stuck behind all of them, grumbled that all he could smell was mole-asses.

Here is a recipe for all of you who are patiently waiting just a little longer for Spring to arrive.

INGREDIENTS 

Batter

½ cup flour + 1 Tbsp

½ cup milk

1 egg

pinch of salt

Molasses Apples

3 Tbsp unsalted butter

1 apple, peeled, cored and diced

2 Tbsp molasses

garnish

powdered sugar

PROCEDURE

This is one of those recipes that you’ll need to follow the rules carefully.

Get all your batter ingredients into a bowl and mix with a whisk to incorporate for 2 minutes. You should end up with plenty of tiny lumps in the batter. Lumpy batter works best, don’t strain out the lumps. Let the batter rest for 30-60 minutes at room temperature. Resting is important!

Set up a rack in the middle of your oven then preheat the oven to 450˚ F. Use a 9” inch all-metal pan (frying pan or pie plates work great). When the oven is up to 450˚ F blap the pan in the oven to preheat for at least 15 minutes. Meanwhile mix the diced apple with the molasses, then just plop the cold butter on top in the bowl.

Remove the hot pan and quickly toss in the apples, butter and molasses. Shake the pan to evenly distribute and blap the whole thing back in the oven for exactly 4 minutes.

After 4 minutes remove the pan and pour in the batter in a circular pattern starting around the edges and working into the middle. Quickly toss it back in the oven. Close the oven door and keep it closed for 16-18 minutes. If you open the door the pancake will deflate.  It will start to rise around the 10 minute mark, but don’t open the door to check it. Turn the oven light on and look through the glass to watch it rise.

Check the pancake after 16 minutes. The edges will be puffed up and it may appear to be burnt, but that is just the dark molasses.

Remove the pan and serve it immediately with powdered sugar or ice cream on top.

Serves two. To serve more make it again, don’t double the recipe.

There once was a boxing champ

Whose attire was outdatedly damp

His shorts were once chic

But now they’re antique

So they needed a little revamp

Classic Irish Champ is one of the most timeless Irish dishes.  Spring or green onions are mixed into creamy mashed potatoes and served piping hot with a knob of butter that melts in the middle to create a golden well of buttery goodness.

The trick is to eat with a fork starting on the outside and dipping each bite of potato into the golden well of melted butter.

Champ may be timeless but even the classics need an update once in a while. So try these revamped champs with a side of sausage and mustard with a tall beer this Patty’s Day. You gotta stick and move, work around the outside of the ring and get ready for that knock-out buttery finish.

CLASSIC CHAMP

INGREDIENTS

2 large russet potatoes

1 cup milk

½ cup heavy cream

2 Tsp table salt (or more to taste)

4 pats of butter (2 Tbsp each)

3 Green or 1 Spring Onion, thinly sliced

PROCEDURE

Peel and cut your potatoes into 8. Place all the potatoes in a large pot full of cold water. Get the pot over high heat and bring to a boil. Cook until the potatoes are tender and just beginning to fray at the edges. Drain the potatoes and let them blow off some steam in the colander for 10 minutes.

Back in the pot warm up the milk and salt on the residual heat from the stove, or just on low if you are using a gas burner.

Now dump the potatoes in the warm milk and mash until as smooth as you can manage without feeling like you went 5 rounds with the champ.

Here’s the trick to making the champ. Stir in the sliced green onions. Serve it on four plates and while it is still piping hot make a well in the middle of the mound of potatoes and plop in your pat of butter so it starts to melt. 

Serves four

REVAMPED CHAMP VARIATIONS

Bacon, Leek and Kilkenny

4 slices of bacon, thinly sliced

2 large leeks, thinly sliced

a glug of vegetable oil

2 cups Kilkenny Irish cream ale 

Make a round of Champ as directed above but omit the green onions.

Get a large frying pan on the stove over medium heat. Place thinly sliced bacon and thinly sliced leeks into the pan with a glug of oil and a pinch of salt. Don’t fiddle with them much, just let them develop some colour. When they start to brown really good after about 15 minutes you can go ahead and toss in the beer and let it all cook down until it is slightly syrupy.

Mix into the mashed potatoes or serve on top. Pile the potatoes on a plate and make a well for the butter.

Onion and Guinness

1 yellow onion, fine diced

a glug of vegetable oil

1 cup Guinness stout beer

knob of butter

splash of vinegar (malt or balsamic) 

Make a round of Champ as directed above but omit the green onions.

Get a pan on medium heat. Sweat diced onions with a glug of oil and a pinch of salt until soft and translucent. Add the Guinness straight in with a little knob of butter and continue cooking over medium until most of the liquid evaporates and the onions look gorgeous and dark. Add a splash of malt or balsamic vinegar to brighten everything up a little.

Mix into the mashed potatoes or serve sprinkled on top. Pile the potatoes on a plate and make a well for the butter.

Ham and peas

½ white onion, diced

6 slices thick cut ham, diced

glug of oil

pinch of salt

¾ cup heavy cream

½ cup frozen peas

fresh cracked pepper 

Make a round of Champ as directed above but omit the green onions.

Dice the ham and onion into peas-sized bits. Place them in a frying pan over medium low heat with a glug of oil and a pinch of salt. Cook until ham is heated through and the onions are translucent. Add cream and reduce for 5 minutes. Add peas and heat through for 5 more minutes. Mix into the mashed potatoes or serve on top. Pile the potatoes on a plate and make a well for the butter.

Mustard, cheese and celery

¼ cup grainy mustard

1 celery heart, finely sliced

1 cup grated white Irish cheddar (Kerrygold) 

Make a round of Champ as directed above but omit the green onions.

As soon as the potatoes are mashed, toss in all of this stuff and mix it all in until it’s smooth. Pile it on a plate and make a well for the butter.

Curling offers up plenty of thrills and chills, but don’t expect many spills. If there is one thing curling fans hold onto harder than their lucky tams, it’s a cup of hot coffee. It’s not that the cold bothers them, it’s because curling fans just love coffee… and doughnuts.

Here is a rock-solid recipe for all those hot-blooded fans who love curling, coffee and doughnuts. Make your own Tim-Horton-doughnut-and-coffee-ice-cream-sandwich (aka; Cold Curling Rocks) to enjoy at the rink or anytime you just need to cross that hog line. These bad boys rock!

The 2009 Tim Hortons Brier Curling Championship is throwing down at the Saddledome from March 7-15. It’s impossible to know who will own the house, but you can bet you’ll spot a few Kenora dinner jackets, some painted screaming faces and plenty of coffee and doughnuts. 

INGREDIENTS

A 1-pint container of vanilla icecream

1/3 cup cold Tim Hortons black coffee

6 honey glazed Tim Hortons doughnuts

PROCEDURE

Pop the ice cream into the micro for 30 seconds to soften it slightly.

In a big bowl use a fork to mix one scoop of ice cream with the coffee until they are smooth. Add half the remaining ice cream and stir it to incorporate. Add the rest of the ice cream and stir until the whole mess is pretty smooth, but a few little lumps is fine.

Pour the coffee ice cream back into the ice cream container. You’ll have a little extra that won’t fit in the container, feel free to slurp that back right away. Put the ice cream back in the freezer to firm up for at least 2 hours.

Place the half-dozen box of doughnuts in the freezer so they can firm up too.

When the doughnuts are frozen solid, use a serrated knife to cut them in half like a bagel. Go slowly as they are brittle, but it’s easier than squishing them when they are soft.

After the ice cream is firm, run warm water on the outside of the container until the whole thing can slide out easily. Lay it flat and slice the ice cream cylinder it into 6 disks. I like to make the first cut in the middle and cut each half into threes.

Place one icecream puck in each doughnut like a sandwich and place them all back in the box and into the freezer get rock solid. 

If you are eating them directly from the freezer, they might benefit from a quick 10 seconds in the micro. If you are taking them to the rink keep them on ice and let them warm up and soften slightly before you chow down.

Goes great with hot coffee for dunking.

Makes 6 Cold Curling Rocks… enough to feed the Lead, Second, Vice, Skip, Coach and Coffee-Runner.

In 16th Century France it was en vogue to abuse your royal powers by living overly-luxurious lifestyles or fighting religious wars at the expense of the over-taxed and underfed peasants. 

So when King Henri IV came into power in 1589, it was refreshing to have a forward-thinking King with religious tolerance and respect for the well-being of his subjects. Perhaps it was a romantic notion for the times, but amongst his many revolutionary policies he deemed it imperative that every working person should have a chicken in their pot on Sunday.  His preferred method of preparing a chicken in a pot was the very literal Poule au Pot (chicken in a pot). 

This simple, wholesome and frugal dish holds up to the current economic state and will help us all cope with the transition of power until the new guy in charge can bring about a refreshing change. 

This classic dish is the original one pot wonder. Don’t be fooled by the simplicity, the result is an amazingly juicy poached chicken with wholesome vegetables and the option to customize your own garnishes. 

Vive la recession!

INGREDIENTS

1 whole chicken

2 russet potatoes, peeled and cut into eight

2 large carrots, peeled and cut into 3’ lengths

2 ribs of celery, cut into 3’ lengths

1/2 onion, peeled 

1 Litre chicken stock

water as needed

AROMATICS

1 bay leaf

2 cloves of garlic

10 peppercorns

1 clove

GARNISH

dijon mustard

pickled onions

gherkin pickles

seasalt (or Maldon salt)

HANDY TOOLS

a meat thermometer

cheese cloth

string

PROCEDURE

Place all ingredients in a large pot. Tie the aromatics up in a piece of cheese cloth to make a bouquet garni. Add water to submerge the chicken by 2 inches. 

Place the pot over medium heat, it will take a while to heat up, but once the water begins to swirl. Use your thermometer to monitor and maintain a temperature of approximately 180˚F. Never let it get hot enough to simmer or the chicken will get tough. As soon as the water is up to temperature, it should take the chicken 35-40 minutes to cook through and reach an internal temperature of 145˚F. Test it by inserting the same thermometer in the thigh joint or poke it and if the juices run clear without pink it should be done.

Remove the chicken and allow it to rest out of the water for 5 minutes while  you pluck out the potatoes, carrots and celery.  Discard the onion and aromatic bouquet. Adjust the seasoning of the broth with salt. Remove the skin and divide the chicken as you desire.  Present each person with a large shallow bowl containing two pieces of each veg, a nice chunk of chicken and a splash of the seasoned broth. Let each person add their own garnish. Set the table with four spoons, forks, knives and napkins.

After dinner, dice all the leftover tasty tidbits and toss them back into the broth for a delicious chicken soup.

Cupid is far from the adorable little curly-topped chubby love-bug we know from Valentine cards. He is the love child of Venus, the goddess of love and Mars, the god of war. His singular reason for being is to fight the never-ending war on love. He knows all too well that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, so he is armed to the teeth with a bow and quiver of love inducing arrows to help the opposites attract. But even a natural born thriller like Cupid has his back to the wall around Valentine’s day, so arm yourself with these love inducing flaming skewered hearts with sweet and hot honey mustard glaze.

All’s fair in love and war, so skip the predictable rose and bring home a dozen chicken hearts from Sunworks at Currie Barracks for Valentine’s day. Sweeten the deal with some Mead, the drink of the gods, which does double duty as a drink and is part of the glaze.

Share your heart with someone this Valentines.

INGREDIENTS 

12 chicken hearts*

HONEY MUSTARD GLAZE

1/2 cup grainy mustard

¼ cup honey

¼ cup Mead**, or beer

6 small red potatoes

handful of green beans

3 Tbsp butter

salt and pepper

PROCEDURE

Fire up the barbecue to get it nice and hot.

Get the potatoes in a pot of cold water over high heat on the stove.

Whisk the mustard and honey in a medium bowl. Whisk in the mead to thin out the glaze. The rest of the mead is for drinking.

Set aside the glaze while you skewer the hearts. Metal skewers are ideal, but wooden skewers are fine and always benefit from a 20 minute soak.

Line up three chicken hearts on the end of each skewer with a centimeter between each heart to allow proper heat circulation.

Place them on a plate and season with salt and pepper. Grab your honey mustard glaze, a basting brush, your hearts and do a sexy sashay over to the barbecue.

Quickly give the hearts a little brush of the honey mustard glaze just before you toss them on the grill. Place the hearts on the grill with the handles sticking off the side, so they stay out of the line of fire to make flipping easy. Flip them every 3-4 minutes and apply a good slathering of glaze before each flip. Total cooking time might take up to 20-25 minutes. Pinch them for doneness, they should be firm, but not hard. No one wants a heart of stone. It’s okay if the outside gets charred, it adds a great flavour.

When the potatoes are tender (poke them with a skewer and if there is no resistance in the middle, they are done) toss in the green beans for one minute and drain the whole mess into a colander.

Serve two heart skewers with boiled potatoes and sautéed green beans with butter and loads of salt and pepper. Don’t forget to pour two brimming mugs of mead.

It’s a hearty dinner for two.

* Get a bag of about a dozen organic chicken hearts from Sunworks Farms in the Calgary Farmer’s market at Currie Barracks. www.sunworksfarm.com

** Mead is any alcohol made from fermented honey and can vary tremendously. I used Maxwell Mead, a sweet carbonated mead with 12.5% alc/vol. from these two Calgary CO-OP Liquor Stores: Midtown Market 
1110, 11th Ave S.W. or South Trail at #50- 4307 130^th Ave, S.E.. A Big Rock Honey Brown is an appropriate substitution. 

There is a fine line between desperately creepy and lovingly affectionate. To help you navigate such a thin line skip tearing out your heart and make this hot and sticky bleeding heart radicchio. The vegetarian option makes it a great choice for vegetarians with a morbid sense of humour.

Radicchio is a small tightly wrapped red leafed lettuce with a slightly bitter taste. Slow braising this bitter lettuce in tomato juice and maple syrup creates an amazingly sticky sweet richness that only comes from putting some true love into your food. 

Desperately creepy                                   

• getting a name tatoo      
• making a mixtape 
• writing a song
• pulling out your beating heart             

 Lovingly affectionate

• getting a name tatoo      
• making a mixtape 
• writing a song
• making bleeding heart radicchio

INGREDIENTS:

1 radicchio

1 Tbsp oil

2 pieces of bacon, sliced (optional)

1 cup of tomato juice

2 Tbsp maple syrup

pinch of salt

1/4 tsp chili flakes

PROCEDURE:

Peel away the rough outer leaves of the radicchio. Cut the radicchio in half. Get a medium frying pan on medium heat.

If you are using bacon, add it now with the oil and cook until browned and slightly crispy. Move the bacon to the sides and place the radicchio flat side down in the oil. 

If you are not using bacon, just heat the oil and lay the radicchio flat side down in the oil.

Sautée the radicchio flat side down for 10 minutes to develop some caramelisation on the bottom side. 

Pour in the tomato juice and maple syrup. Sprinkle in the salt and the chili flakes. Bring the liquid up to a boil before covering the pan tightly with tin foil. Blap the whole thing in the oven for 2 hours. Uncover and let stand for 10 minutes before serving to your loved one.

St. Hubertus is the patron saint of hunters, but he wasn’t always a saint.

Growing up as a hunter in the 7th Century, Hubertus was as wild spirited as the game he hunted. He was quite trigger with his bow and arrow and killed not just for food, but for the bloodlusting thrill of the hunt. His lack of restraint and remorse made him a terrible threat to the balance of nature.

When his bloodlust got out of hand, a deer showed up and told him to settle down. Normally, Hubertus would have shot the deer between the eyes with an arrow and sent his dogs after it, but when this holy deer showed up with a glowing white cross between its antlers, Hubertus knew this was no ordinary deer. Hubertus turned over a new leaf and began to exercise some self-restraint and ethical hunting practices. The holy deer was pleased with the change and Hubertus was dubbed the Patron Saint of Hunters because he would hunt only for food and maintained the natural balance.

Here is a great recipe for hunters (or gatherers) using venison or elk tenderloin and Jagermeister(not just for Jagerbombs).

The addition of Jagermeister (German for ‘Master Hunter’) to the black currant and wild mushroom sauce adds a great herby aroma and ties into the story of St. Hubertus (check out the holy deer on the bottle). The wild rice  and brussel sprouts complete the meal and you will be surprised how well these two overlooked foods pair up.

Oh deer, what is Venison?

In the loosest sense of the word, Venison can apply to any wild animal hunted for sustenance and can include everything from moose to raccoon. Most hunters would consider Venison to be the meat from any wild hooved animal and generally refers to Elk, Deer and occasionally moose or boar.

But according to the scientific community, venison is the technical term given only to the meat from a deer meant for human consumption and does not include elk or Moose in the category.

For the purposes of this recipe, we are going to take the broader sense of the word Venison that includes elk, deer and moose, so feel free to use the New York Cut from any of these animals for this recipe.

Translation of the poem on the Jagermeister bottle… 

It is the hunter’s honour that he Protects and preserves his game, Hunts sportsmanlike, honours the Creator in His creatures

Venison steak with black currant,wild mushroom and Jagermesiter sauce with brusseled up wild rice

Serves 2

INGREDIENTS

2 New York cut Elk or Deer steaks

2 Tbsp unsalted butter

1 shallot, finely minced

25g of mixed dried wild mushrooms

2 oz Jagermesiter

2 Tbsp Black currant jelly

1 Tbsp rice wine vinegar

salt and pepper to taste

1 cup wild rice

6 brussel sprouts, shaved super thin

1 Tsp salt

2 Tbsp butter

pinch nutmeg

 PROCEDURE

Pour one cup of boiling water into a bowl with the dried mushrooms. Cover and set aside to soften for 30 minutes while you prepare everything else.

Grab one medium pot and two frying pans to get started. Get two cups of water into the medium pot and bring it to a boil. When it boils add the wild rice and reduce the heat to medium. Cook for 20 minutes then add the shredded brussel sprouts, put a lid on it and reduce the heat to low. After 20 more minutes, remove the lid, add the butter, nutmeg and salt. Stir it all together.

In a medium pot, sweat the shallots with butter over medium heat. Scoop out the softened mushrooms with a slotted spoon and place in the pan with the butter and shallots. Set the mushroom liquid aside for making the sauce.

Crank the heat up to high on the mushrooms and cook for 2 more minutes stirring occasionally, to develop some colour.

Pour out the Jagermeister shots and add them carefully to the mushrooms, being careful of not letting them catch on fire. Cook out the alcohol smell for 2 more minutes before adding the mushroom liquid to the pan. Pour the liquid slowly without pouring in the gritty sediment at the bottom of the bowl.

Add the black currant jelly and the vinegar, stirring to incorporate. Continue cooking on high for 15 minutes to reduce the sauce and concentrate the flavours.

In the meantime, get your other pan on the stove over medium heat and let the dry pan heat up for 5 minutes. Prepare your steaks by drizzling with oil and seasoning with salt.

Gently place the steaks in the hot pan with space between all of them. They will sizzle and spit, but that is what you want. Do not move them once they are in the pan. Just let them mellow out and get brown. Cook on each side for 3 ½ – 4 minutes only and remove it from the pan when they are done. You can pour your sauce into the steak pan to pick up all the browny goodness.

Serve a scoop of wild rice with a ladle of the sauce. Lay the steak jauntily up against the rice, finish with a some more sauce on top. Enjoy with an ice cold shot of Jagermeister.